i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
