I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
