They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
