im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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