some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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