Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
