p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
