I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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