It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
