I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
