The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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