dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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