blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
