I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
