Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
