I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
