You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
