And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
did i walk over a car last night?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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