And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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