Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
no, he came in my armpit
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
