Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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