too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
