they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
