I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My life is pants optional.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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