and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
