You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
