apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it's like iHOP with fire
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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