he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Small penises have feelings too.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
