Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
