finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
