i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
