come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
