My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
