so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
