sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
