Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
