i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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