Little spoons don't ask big questions
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
