: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just tell him i said nine months
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
