it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
