I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
