Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
