sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
