Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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