if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
