U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
