it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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