I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Welp...herpes.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
