Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
