Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
