careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
